Friday, May 16, 2008

Ten Reasons Why I "Love" Co-Ed Softball

1. My games are every Friday night.

2. The team name is awesome (joking)! "Half-cocked" is the name. I doesn't get any more covertly crass than that.

3. I was recruited by a friend of a friend of a friend. When I first heard of the opportunity, I envisioned playing with single athletic men, which would allow me to expand my social circle. Nope. I am the only single one, the only Mormon one and the only one who thinks the team name should be changed.

4. Alcohol is consumed before every game by my team (except me) and the other teams. It's easy to strike out the inebriated. My ERA is pretty darn good!

5. I played my first game with contacts. Turns out the softball isn't a yellow marshmallow afterall. Now that I can actually see the ball, it's so much easier to hit the ball. With my eye sight restored, combined with the tipsy opponents, I make it on base just about everytime. Today I even hit a triple!

6. Everytime I enter the softball park, I have to pay 3 bucks and get a token for a dollar off a cup of beer. That's how they convince the other players that the 3 bucks is a bargain. Works for them but it makes me mad.

7. When I hit the triple, a drunk man from the bleachers yelled, "Hey lady, you are my favorite!" He found me after the game to congratulate me and offer to buy me a beer. I graciously declined and told him the 1980's called and wanted his mullet back by tomorrow morning. He thought that was a pickup line.

8. On my way out of the complex, the umpire jokingly asked me what I was going to give him for being a good and fair ump. I gave him my token for a dollar off a cup of beer and introduced him to the mullet man. They became fast friends. In the end, the token turned out to be a bargain for me too.

9. The stench of nearby cow pastures made me homesick. Tonight my teammates where trying to figure out who pooped in the outfield. Some people just don't have a clue.

10. Thanks to team "Toothless Mullets" who watched our game to scope out the competition, I second-hand smoked about a pack of Marlboros tonight. I am such a hard-core rebel!


Mandi said...

You are so cool. I love your post! I hope that you have a quick season....I really love a good mullet, maybe I should join a team in all of my spare time!

Jill said...

truly anneliesa.

Elisabeth said...

I just about died laugh without making any noise so i wouldn't wake the kids. you are so funny!