Saturday, November 7, 2009

Just when you think you are losing weight...

Let's talk about how not so fun it is to be asked if you are pregnant when you actually aren't. Whether you are married or single, thin or thick, if you aren't pregnant it hurts to be asked if you are expecting or when you are due.

Once, several years ago and 50lbs heavier a little boy at church poked my stomach and asked with a giggle, "Are you pregnant?" My reply? "Nope, just fat but that was nice of you to ask." He said, "Your welcome" and walked away. I walked away too... all the way home at ate 20 donuts, gained 20lbs and then really looked pregnant.

The other time was yesterday. Here I am losing weight (or so I thought) and someone says, "I don't know you very well and I hope I am not crossing the line... but woman to woman, are you pregnant?"

You have no idea how much I wanted to say, "So glad you asked, why yes I am! I am carrying twins squirrels in my double chins. I am going to name them Dumb and Dumber after you."

But I didn't.

And I wish I did.

I just said, "No... why do you ask?" She said with a nervous laugh, "Well, for a few mornings you looked like you were sick, you have been munching on snacks a lot and you have been forgetful lately." I was pretty impressed that she thought of that stuff on the spot. At least she didn't say, "Because I notice you are peeing a lot and your uterus is huge".

I didn't defend myself... just laughed and said, "Yeah" and went back to munching on my apple.

Those few mornings when I look like I was sick? One morning I forgot to put on eyeliner because I was running late. The other morning my hair was frizzy/curly and I was late to work because of traffic... Being late makes me sick... and so does frizzy hair.

I have been munching a lot lately because I never have time to eat breakfast and lunch so I have to eat whenever I can. You eat an apple and yogurt during the day and then everyone thinks you are pregnant.

And, I have been forgetful because... well, truth is I am conveniently and intentionally forgetting all those things I don't want to do... Like talk to nosey people!

Blah. Next time I hear a question prefaced with "woman to woman..." I am just going to interrupt and say, "Yes. Twin squirrels!" and then turn and walk away.