Saturday, January 19, 2008

They call me coach. Love coach.

I don't profess to know everything about dating and relationships... but I have learned a few things over the years that are noteworthy. Before I go any further… There are many who say, “Why should I listen to you? You are nearly 30 and still single!” If anything, that fact alone makes me credible because I know what NOT to do. I learned the hard way... Because my thoughts tend to be discursive, I am going to number them. Oh, and PLEASE don't shoot the messenger...

Women:

1.) If he doesn’t ask you out, he’s probably not interested in you. If he is interested in you and still doesn’t ask you out, chances are he’s not the right one for you (at least right now)… unless you have a thing for docile men.

2.) Just because he asks you out doesn’t mean he wants you to bear his children. Enjoy the date and don’t pick out your wedding colors just yet. More than likely, you will look back years later and say, “What in the HECK was I thinking?!”

3.) If you have to ask your friends if they think he’s interested in you, he probably isn’t. So if he said hello to you in a “seductive voice” it doesn’t mean a thing. Don't use your secret decoder pen to figure out what that means. He’s probably just going through puberty. Trust me.

4.) Men are hunters and it’s constantly deer hunting season. If you (the deer) jump in front of the AK 47 (or whatever they use these days) and say, “Hey, handsome hunter, look at me! Shoot me because I would make a nice wall decoration!” he will run away. If he shoots you, he’s lazy and will never appreciate you.

5.) Going on dates and meeting societal standards of beauty does NOT define your worth. Your worth is inherent so stop giving all the credit to men and Jessica Simpson. Take care of yourself for YOU.6.) NCMO- Don’t do it! It’s like injecting your brain with Novocain and your heart with methamphetamines.

7.) View rejection as protection. Rejection filters out (protects you from) the men who would never love you the way you want to be loved.

8.) It’s better to think, “All men want me” than, “No man will ever want me”. Don’t let self fulfilling prophesies determine your future.

9.) Know the difference between love and infatuation. It will save you from a lot of stress.10.) Be alluring, not emasculating.

Men:

1.) If you don’t ask her out, she’s not going to know you are interested.

2.) Just because she says yes, doesn’t mean she’s planning your wedding… Sorry.

3.) Women are like spaghetti. Everything is intertwined. Let women analyze and look into everything. It’s how they convince themselves to like you when you really don’t have a chance.

4.) Men are built to be hunters (it’s anthropological) not predators. There is a difference. Random question: If you don’t like playing "games", then why do you like to "hunt"?

5). Yeah you are attracted to atheistically pleasing things. You are visual and that’s okay. But if I hear you say you need to see a woman in a bikini before you will marry her, I will throw a fat suit on you when you least expect it, clothe you in women’s clothes, and make you walk through BYU campus for a week. In other words, don’t verbalize what women already know.

6). NCMO- Don’t do it. It’s like injecting your brain with methamphetamines and your heart with Novocain. (note the difference with women)

7). View rejection as protection. Rejection filters out the women who would never appreciate you the way you need to be appreciated. Good thing is there are a lot more good women than good men (a man told me that). The odds are in your favor.

8.) It’s better to think but NEVER SAY, “All women want me” rather than, “No woman will ever want me”. Confidence, not arrogance is attractive.

9.) Know the difference between lust and love. It will save you from a lot of destructive relationships.

10.) Be a man. And don’t let women try to change you. One Richard Simmons in this world is enough.

Two both men and women: Ever play that game where two people sit back to back and link arms and the object of the game is to stand up simultaneously? It only works if both contribute. That's the secret to sucessful relationships.

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