Saturday, January 19, 2008

FIND A MATE IN 2008-- Introduction and part 1 of 10

I heard this line recently and loved it. The wheels in my analytical mind started to spin so I decided to create a series of notes/blogs on how to find a mate in 2008. As many of you know, I am obsessed with relationships- not my own, of course because they really aren’t that interesting. I am the self-appointed soccer mom (minus the mini van and tapered jeans) of everyone else’s love life. Perhaps it’s because I majored in marriage and family. Or maybe it’s because dating is apart of every conversation I partake of at this stage of my life. Needless to say, these notes aren’t a 10 step program to finding the love of your life (go to for that…don’t really go). My goal is to provide comic relief to the broken hearted and frustrated and comfort for those who know the term “unrequited love” all too well. And hopefully, my words will be the catalyst for change to those of you who are couch potato lovers. Whatever the need, enjoy…

Part I—Lessons on Love from Mutual FundsThis week at work I trained a group of new financial advisors on the value of mutual funds in their business. As part of the instruction, I discussed that when they present a mutual fund idea to their client it’s crucial to explain that the biggest risk of investing isn’t the inevitable market fluctuation that could lead to capital loss. The biggest risk with investments, I told them, is doing nothing at all. This got me thinking… It reminded me of a cheesy quote that I probably acquired from the marriage preparation class that I almost failed as a junior in college. Side note: Don’t let that fact deter you from reading on… So here’s the quote (author unknown):

“ To laugh is to risk appearing the fool.
To weep is to risk appearing sentimental.
To reach out for another is to risk involvement.
To expose feelings is to risk exposing your true self.
To place your idea, your dream before the crowd is to risk their loss.
To love is to risk not being loved in returned.To live is to risk dying.
To hope is to risk despair.
To try is to risk failure.
But risks must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing.
The person who risks nothing does nothing, has nothing, is nothing.
He may avoid suffering and sorrow, but he simply cannot learn, feel, change, grow, love… live. Chained by his certitudes, he is a slave, he has forfeited freedom.
Only a person who risks is truly free”
So what does it all mean, you ask? Beats the heck out of me! Ok, actually, it reminded me of a time when I really liked this guy. I thought he was everything I ever wanted. We were best friends. I over-analyzed his every move. Every thing he did, I thought, was an indication of his undying love for me. Never again will I mistake, “Do you want to shoots some hoops?” as a sign of interest. One day, I blurted out that I liked him more than a friend. His response was, “Oh, I am sorry. I will try to fart more around you” (real mature).Months later, after my heart had healed from being broken, I attended his wedding reception. I met his mom who graciously and repeatedly thanked me for being his “mom away from home”. OUCH! I got drunk off of wedding cake and crème puffs that night hoping that would teach him a lesson. It didn’t. I was left with a sugar hangover and the need for pants once size bigger.
It wasn't until years later that I appreciated that I took a risk. I learned that he's not for me... One man down, 999,999 more men to go. He did me a favor by getting out of my life. I wasted too much time telling myself the reason he didn't like me was because I wasn't pretty enough... Time that I should have spent taking care of myself-- for me. Taking that risk changed my life.
Well, we aren’t going to find the love of our lives marinating in hot tubs of self-pity. That, my friend, will only make your soul stinky and shriveled! Men, ask her out or at least tell her that you think she’s great. Ladies, I am not saying ask him out. DON'T do that. Just say yes when ask you out because you just never know… And if the man you “love” doesn’t show interest in you, teach him a lesson that he missed out… not by consuming a tub of lard (also known as ice cream), but by going out and meeting more guys.
Take a risk this week when it comes to love…Yeah, there is a chance it will turn out unfavorably. If it does, I will let you write a chapter in my forthcoming book.

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