Monday, May 31, 2010

Thank you notes...

Some Friday nights, if I stay awake long enough, I watch Late Night with Jimmy Fallon. On Fridays he writes thank you notes to a variety of people. Thank you, Jimmy for providing some desperately needed writing inspiration....

Here are my 6 thank you notes for the week:

Thank you, lady in the bra section of JC Penny. You were so kind to ask me if I needed help... and then when I said, "Just looking for a new bra" you looked at my chest and said, "You looking for a push up bra? You've had some kids, eh? My daughter has that problem too."

(You are wondering what I said in response to that? Well, I said, "no kids, just genetics and too much chocolate".)

Thank you, eBay for making me love you and hate you within a week. I needed a bed in a bag for cheap. I had a bright idea to look on eBay. I found the perfect one, bid on it and won it. It was like winning the raffle... never mind the fact I was the only bidder. FengShi Wong (or whatever her name is) was prompt to send my bedding... straight from a Chinese sweat shop in North Carolina. I love you, eBay and FengShi for making my eBay dreams come true.... But then I got the bidding bug and found a Chi. I bid on it and won (this time I had some competition). After I paid for it, you so kindly sent me an email saying the item was removed (due to some violations) and I needed to contact the resolution department. Say what!? My Chi flat iron is probably laced with some chemical known to the state of California to cause hair cancer. Thanks for letting me know (after I already used the product) that Bridgette Fidal Castro Lopez from Miami, Fl is selling Chi's illegally from Miami (code name for Cuba). It probably isn't even a Chi. Stupid American that I am. eBay, consider this thank you as a way of breaking up our week long relationship. Craigslist, I am back on the market!

Thank you, right-wing-extremists (a.k.a "racists" by some) who are proponents of Arizona Senate Bill 1070 AND opponents of the bill who have relied on the media to teach them about the bill. Both of you make me embarrassed to be an Arizona resident.

Proponents who are extremists-- You scare me. If you put as much passion into solving the global poverty problem as you do fighting illegal immigration, we probably wouldn't have a problem with illegal immigration in the first place.

Opponents of the bill you need to read the dang thing before you tie yourself to the stair railing at the capital building.

I believe strongly in standing up for what you believe and speaking out against things you don't believe in. But jumping on a bandwagon driven by the media alone is not only socially dangerous but doesn't make you look too smart. Once you have read it THEN protest, picket, and chain yourself to tree.

(Just for kicks, see Youtube video below to watch our Attorney General admit his ignorance and you only need to watch the first 60 seconds of it.)

Oh, and if you must know, I have read SB 1070. I am neither against or for the bill itself-- just a plain ol' American who is a proponent of following the laws of the land and that national security is the main responsibility of the Federal Government. Doesn't it seem kind of silly to make illegal what is already illegal? I hope they figure something out!

Back to my thank you notes (that rant was longer than I intended).

Thank you, people in slow moving vehicles (i.e. buses, trucks, and Cadillacs) for pulling out in front of me while I am going full speed ahead on the surface streets and highways. You make my commute full of rage and anger. You especially make my day when you pull out in front of me going 10 mph, then throw your Marlboro cig out the window and it conveniently hits my car.u c

And while we are thanking drivers...

Thank you, people who like to talk on their cell phone while driving. This alone doesn't merit a note of thanks... but when you are on the phone while driving 20 mph UNDER the speed limit, in the fast lane, just talking away, oblivious to all the other people who have places to go, now that deserves a thank you AND a good old fashioned kick in the shins.

Thank you, lady in my ward for putting me on the distribution list for your emergency preparedness committee by accident. I love getting all your FWD: FWD: FWD: FWD: FWD: emails about how the rising price of meat will spur on Armageddon. You know what I appreciate the most, dear sister? That you deny I am on your distribution list! Like the other day, when you reminded me of a mandatory meeting... and I responded saying, "I think you sent this to me in error. I am not on the emergency preparedness committee". You respond back saying, "That email wasn't from me. I don't know what you are talking about." And the time a few months later when I reminded you AGAIN that I am on your distribution list and you said, "You aren't getting those emails from me. You must be getting them from someone else in the ward." HUH?! I would block your emails but I find learning about essential oils for insects absolutely fascinating.

P.S. I am sure that the above thank you note will come back to haunt me one day when you become my Facebook friend and look at this blog. If that happens, I am just going to deny I wrote about you and tell you this blog doesn't exist.


Sarah and AJ said...

Love it. Thanks for letting me hear your voice for a bit. I've been thinking about you lately! Are you sure you don't want to move to Rexburg?

Erin said...

Loved the swimsuit story. Absolutely loved it.

Aubrie said...

I'm practically peeing my pants right now...hearing those out loud from YOUR mouth would have probably caused complete pants wetting!!! So good...oh how I miss living with you...I guess I knew deep down it couldn't last forever...

Nicole said...

This reminds me why I miss you! I love the bra story. HILARIOUS!!! And you forgot to mention mini vans in the slow moving vehicle section. Seriously , they are worse than anyone!!!

annie said...

thank you anneliesa, for writing these notes. and for allowing me to be your facebook friend so i can blogstalk you.

(from the ol byu129, b.i.d)

Jodiane said...

oh my dear i have missed you, and your super entertaining wit. much love.